The grand brick fireplace has lit itself, the deep red and orange flames viciously trying to escape the confines of their hearth. Smoke breathes up the chimney, and for any passerby whose eyes can pierce the dreadful darkness and incessant storm, the sight of the McDermott house alive once more must be a peculiar one indeed. You had thought that a fire would relieve the tension of the house, but the fire doesn’t so much put off heat as it does hate. Out of reach of the angry flames, the mantle above provides a perch for the neighbor’s handbag. The portrait of Mr. McDermott has fallen, partially revealing the holes hidden behind it.
You carefully examine the holes behind the fallen portrait of Mr. McDermott. In one of the smaller holes, the one previously covered by the right eye, you notice a small folded bit of parchment.
It reads:
“The tried one finds it hardly fun, Sixty in an hour, and three fourths are done.”
You carefully remove the handbag from the mantle and empty it out. Inside, there’s a pamphlet:
As you inspect the handbag, something moves out of the corner of your eye. Ashes slip from the fireplace and begin to swirl about out of reach of the flames, filling the air with a dusty haze before molding itself into the shape of the elderly neighbor, Birdie.
“You! Clairvoyant! Shouldn’t you have foreseen this and stopped it?!”
“Surely you’re not accusing me of kidnapping the little rapscallion? I may have been irritated by the little hellion, but I was a terror when I was her age, too. The most I would’ve advocated for is a good switch to the bottom and perhaps bed without dinner. Maybe had her scrubbing the floor to show her what trampling in mud from my garden merits. But, that’s just normal child-rearing. I’d never wish real harm on the little devil. You don’t think someone has… has actually done something to her?“
“Let me think. Once everyone arrived home all at once, there was quite a bit of confusion. No one seemed to care that I was there, but I was used to such discourtesy. Vera snuck away, and as I was about to follow her I was interrupted by her sister-in-law, Jane. Vera returned with a tray full of cocoa cups, and I politely accepted one. That was my mistake, I take it. I was in the middle of telling Vera all about how Elsie must have made off with that gnome of mine when she awkwardly collapsed to the ground! I looked around and everyone was gone except for Aunt Jane! Where had they all sidled off to? No doubt to conspire! I started to feel a bit unwell myself, and darted out into the hall to catch them in the act! Unfortunately, no one was there. I didn’t make it any further, I collapsed at that very moment, my mouth full of the most heinous taste imaginable!“
“Kids these days, honestly. I kept my own house for years, of course I knew a thing or two about poisons. How else is one to deal with rats and other vermin about the property? And recently, Good Housekeeping had run a piece about the amounts of arsenic in your everyday rice. I’ll admit that I was getting on in years, so I was researching how to remove the dangerous toxin for the good of my health. Look here, I’m not the monster you want me to be. Did the children of this house need stricter punishments? Absolutely! But they were children. I was a rascal too, once. I wanted them to be better out of the goodness of my heart, nothing nefarious. In a way, they were very much like family to me. They did live in my house, after all. No one could do something so sinister to a family member, could they?“
